It was the third day of medical school and they had planned for all of us to go on some sort of retreat. I was an awkward introvert with a tendency to overshare, running on anxious energy to start conversations. I met you in the atrium among a mass of new faces. You were cool,…
I’m presenting at a conference! My first one ever. And I get to go back to chicago Everytime I think of Chicago it just fills me with sadness. But why? And it seems all my life I’ve been running. Running from home, all the way to North Carolina. Finishing school in North carolina and running…
Sometimes new beginnings for me bring happiness and joy. But this one fills me with heart ache. It is a beginning I didn’t want yet I am being pushed to it. Sometimes there is a joy to closing old relationships and a “work” feel to maintaining them. I don’t know.
Sometimes I think I am just a sheep. I think about the irony of it all. How there had to be balance in the world and that I had to be the one to bring it to my family. One’s conservative ideals need balance after all. And on the otherside is the one who seems…
Today I am sitting on my window, and I am watching Chicago. Watching the millions of lives, millions of lights. Watching the zoom past one another, flickering, fading, and shimmering. Life from up here is so beautiful in all of its iridescence in the night sky, the incandescence of the energy of life. Sometimes I…
What am I doing What was I thinking Knowing just how much I would hurt Knowing just how hard it would be Was I an idiot? Why did I think that was okay Why did I think that somehow I could be alright after all of this? And still I hurt because I know I…
I think it was helpful that we talked. And I was surprised that while you had initiated, you did not feel the same way that I did. And that was okay. So after that I feel much better because it feels like I have a clearer idea of how things might go from here on…
Did you mean what you said? When I asked you if you were just friends Or was I a backup for you. Just a source of comfort. It’s okay, you can tell me now The truth this time I can handle it, or I will handle it. Tell me the whole truth
I was so upset when I woke up and saw him holding you tight, his arm around your neck. I’ve never been so upset in my life. And I think that is the time that I realized that something has changed. Before I didn’t care that much. Yeah it hurt to see you with someone…
I love you. I love the little parts of you. I love when you give me advice on what to tell me brother. I love when you hug me tight and tell me you missed me. And I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you Because I’m not sure how I could…
They tell us that it’s wrong They say that it’s unnatural But tell me–why does it feel so right? Yet we’re hiding As if we were ashamed But when we are together We love unashamedly And all together you’ve taught me To love someone so unreservedly So how could it be wrong then How can…
Why do I like to hurt myself so much? Why do I open up our old conversations Leading up to the moment when I knew I was doomed To the moment it felt like knives were stabbing in my heart When I saw you with her And wondered where I went wrong and if there…
And the thing I never understood was that I always end up hurting myself When I thought that I was the one saving you But I was the one in need of saving But I could see so clearly how it ends Not in love and happiness But tears for something that could never be…
You know the words I’ll never speak. Because speaking them would mean too much. But I’m counting on you to know. Are you counting on me to know? I miss you. I relish my time with you. And in another world, if I could defy all conventions maybe we could be a word I would…
I have too much time to myself recently so I’ve been thinking too much and being way too lonely. Listening to sad music. I don’t think I seem like it in public. And I don’t want to seem like it in public. And this isn’t a cry for help. I don’t need help. But I’ve…
Deep Thoughts 